________ One – a prayer

Ineffable One,

there is a haze of wanton disregard fogging the window to my soul;

a fog of discontent that swirls around my deepest knowing;

an arrogant knowing where, in it’s place, I need unknowing.

Holy One,

relieve me of foolish trust in my ability to live in perfection.

Let loose the hounds of irreducible chaos if by their baying

I learn to shut out the noise of my voice for the Voice.

Glorious One,

teach me that, to look directly into the sun, is death.

But, to gaze into your face through grace filtered and raw,

is to see you as you truly are – horrifying in beauty.

Little One,

it once was said that the One who flung stars into space

fits securely in the tiny confines of the human heart.

Similarly, make me tiny, so that your reach through me is great.

Unseen One,

I have convinced myself that you make yourself invisible.

Remind me that I see you every time someone cries in pain

or, at the risk of their own wellness, becomes pain for another.

Elusive One,

forgive me for when I boast of my growing knowledge of God,

only to discover that it’s all been a ruse, a play on words,

your playful, cryptic way of introducing me to myself.

Unending One,

shake me loose from the need to place parameters, provisos,

gates on that which only ever bursts them asunder.

Help me to stop trying to find your endings and look for beginnings.

Loving One,

I am at a loss to understand, let alone experience,

such self-forgetful yearning for the good of another

that you would watch yourself disappear into the abyss,

only to return as the One.

A Thursday Prayer of Examen

Lord, tie up my expectations like a pretzel

and replace them with a welcome mat

upon which are written only 4 words:

“Thy will be done.”

Thy will be done

Lord, press into the soft, unmarrowed places

of make believe love and headstrong hypocrisy

your thumbprint still dirty from

pinching me alive.

 

Lord, impale me upon the stake of truth,

not the truth of deception in perfect answers

but the Truth that leaves open wounds

on a heart that only looks for niceties.

 

Lord, sit me down at the base of this wood

pounded together with the same nails

that tore through flesh softer than love,

tougher than hate.

 

Lord, with meddling tongue tied behind my back

let my hands, now free

show my mouth that it’s silence

has gifted those I now serve.

 

Lord, interrupt the long stream of my proclamations

of ideas diminished by my words;

words lesser still than those who listen

for something better than words.

 

Lord, fill my life with the awesome silence

of a boisterous heaven, singing in praise;

for only then will what I say and do

remind others of who you say I am.

 

Painting by James Seward

A journal entry: Friday, July 19th, 2013

place for meditation

These words flow from a pen both weak and hungry. They dump onto paper in an effort to unload excess flotsam from my soul. My pen is also hungry for words other than those that seem only to spill out in self-expression, self-deprecation, self-indictment, self-actualization, self, self, self…blah! There’s so much me that there is precious little room left for anyone else. At times like these I’m left to ponder whether I’d even recognize the harmonious, lilting song of God above the shrill, cacophonous din of my own voice trumpeting its need of something or other.

Instead, let me bring the pen of a ready writer, a writer, ready and poised to praise the One whose words I seek. The Logos – the Ultimate Word – forms the inspiration for my little words. Maybe as I write my words in praise of the Word, my story will begin to take on the shape of the Great Narrator. Let your wise and beautiful words, O Logos, letter my life with beauty, honesty and truth.

The Beginning.

Today: how one church is changing my mind about the Church

Sunday, June 2, 2013. Today, I witnessed what Kingdom life could actually be. Today, I participated in the end result of a two year process of prayer and discernment and reading and study and task forces and subcommittees and newsletters and, and…all of which resulted in a remarkable decision: we decided, 95% in favor, to leave the PCUSA and join the ECC (Evangelical Covenant Church). Today, I observed a charter Presbyterian congregation, generally older but getting younger, choose a radically new direction in order to forge a future together.

Today, one church changed my mind about the Church.

church edited

I have served Westminster Presbyterian for almost seven years now as Minister of Worship and Music. It has been a charge not always gilded around the edges and, at times, fraught with peril and flying feathers. The church to which I first came was chaotic, dysfunctional, darkly suspicious and untrusting. They were, in a word: broken. We were front-page news in unfortunate, even scandalous ways, and were still convinced that our ship was afloat.

In my first year we lost a Pastor to admission of numerous counts of sexual harassment along with most of our staff. An artsy, indecisive, left-wing music director was forced into the uncomfortable cadre of leadership left in the wake of the human debacle that was Westminster at the time. I generally squirm in such scenarios but rose to the challenge (more or less) with fear and trembling. We were a congregation in crisis, chaos and spiritual renovation.

What got lost along the way were a bloated sense of self-importance, an uncomfortably conservative-exclusivist milieu, and pretty much all our youth and young families. It wasn’t a ghost town. It was more of a wind swept plain before spring planting. But there was to be one more storm to blow through town. His name? Well, let’s call him Roger. He came to us in the role of Interim Pastor. In a sense, it’s a bit like hiring a First Mate to steer a moving ship once the Captain has bailed. It is meant to be a short-term gig and pave the way for, what is in the PCUSA, a Designated Pastor to the end of obtaining a Senior Pastor.

Roger was a short, self-assured, theological bully. He blew into town with guns ablazin’, mouth awaggin’ and a well-oiled self-importance intact. Whatever remaining hope I had for this struggling place evaporated in the steam of his charging train, bull-in-a-china-shop, ministry style (he proudly considered himself the “bulldog pastor”). In his brief tenure (thank God), he singlehandedly destroyed my committee, a host of other committees, shouted and otherwise cajoled loudly and insistently, and pretty much insulted most everyone else. He was everything a pastor shouldn’t be. Stepping back from the experience however I’m forced to concede that the very good administrative and structural work he did not only paved the way for the coming of someone else to take his place but also, ironically, sealed his own fate.

In the trail of dust and carnage left behind we’ve hired a new Pastor, Reverend Duncan MacLeod. Duncan is a clever, winsome fellow of numerous abilities, overweening confidence (although graced with the humility lacking in his predecessor) and, most important of all, a great sense of humor. He would need that. His capable, relaxed style of leadership, together with an astonishingly humble and wise Session (elder-leaders in the Presbyterian tradition) guided us through the hazardous waters of ecclesiastical politics recently bubbling over in our denomination. The numerous, big ticket issues facing many mainline denominations have made their presence known, loudly and insistently, at PCUSA doors. The turbulent environment of this overly white, liberal, old boys club had become just poisonous enough to our particular DNA that, to be the strange animal we are and do gospel business the way we do it, we needed to vacate.

Easter Praise 3

I’ve played the church game long enough to know that many churches have split over much less than what we’ve endured. We were chartered in 1957 as Westminster Presbyterian Church, a church plant of First Presbyterian, Yakima. We’ve faced down our demons and become well acquainted with our own scar tissue. Gratefully, the strange little group to which I was first wed has become, under Duncan’s leadership, let’s say…integrated. I would now describe us as unabashedly multi-generational, multi-ethnic (at least we’re trying), politically broad, and theologically diverse congregation. Those things are important to us; important enough to make whatever adjustments necessary to assure our continued presence as such.

Is it groundbreaking? For us. Is it precedent setting? Not as such. Is it unique? Of course not. No, nothing like that. Rather, it is indicative of a congregation longing to stay together and become who we already are by embracing what we are becoming. The next time you drive by, our sign may be different but the conversation will be just as lively, the swing in our step just as jaunty, our singing just as robust, our faces a bit more wrinkled, our doors a bit more open, and our fellowship…? Rich.

Today, one church changed my mind about the Church.

(September 5th marks the seven-year anniversary of my tenure at Westminster Presbyterian Church. I love these people and will go to the wall for them. Thank you, dear friends). 

Undone – a prayer, part 2

prayer

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Great One, retire my insistence upon

remembrances of ways and times and talk

that match not God-viewed reality.

 

Darken my bright skies if only

to ensconce my darkness,

shattering all illusions of self-projected greatness.

 

Pry open the coffins of dreams long forgotten,

commitments never kept, promises never made,

if only to unleash the surprise of grace.

 

Scatter my nice collections of mantelpiece spiritual kitsch

and replace them with broken glass, bits of string, yesterday’s ashes

if only to remind me of my own frailty.

 

Tear the gilded pages from my life’s journal

and use them like fish-wrap to enfold

someone else’s yet to be written story.

 

Plant new gardens of life

from places of my own death.

 

Spur on to greatness the little ones

from my own obscure forgottenness.

 

Prop up their ailing mistresses of peace and hope

with the severed arms of my own distress.

 

Renew in light the victimized, en-shadowed and de-spoiled

with my own pursuits fit only for stolen kingships.

Easter Freedom Through Lenten Doubt

 

the resurrection

A website on which I am blessed to share blogs is ConversationsJournal.  The following was a post I shared in February at the beginning of Lent. Today, as Easter puts an end to Lent and begins a time of resurrection celebration hinting at ascension, I wish to share it here. I trust it has been a blessed journey for you and your loved ones. Let’s continue that journey together in the mutual love of the Blessed Kingdom.

Easter Freedom Through Lenten Doubt

Peace, R

 

Picture is of “The Resurrection” by Carl Heinrich Bloch and can be found here

Morning Prayer

Dear God in heaven,

you dwell equally on either side of Eden

and help us find our place as people of a new day.

Lord most high, we celebrate you this morning.

We celebrate your great love for all creation.

We celebrate your compassion shown to us in the face of Jesus, your son.

We celebrate that, in his name,

we are adopted into the family of heaven and given all the benefits

of living in the unapproachable light of your peaceable kingdom.

We celebrate, today as every day that,

when we were still in the darkness of sin, Jesus came to lift us out.

And more than that, he came to spend his life among we who are lowly, base, uneven, crass, needy-

revealing what kingdom life was intended to be.

* * *

We worship you today, Lord,

not out of obligation but because our hearts are compelled to do so out of love.

* * *

We worship, today, Father,

because you did not leave us to die in our sin or drown in our pain,

but in compassion, you revealed yourself and your desires for us by means of your sacrificial gift in Jesus.

* * *

We worship you, Jesus,

because you willingly gave all you had to give and more that we might live and more abundantly.

By your life you provide an iconic picture

into the dangerous and beautiful collision of heaven and earth.

* * *

We invite you, Holy Spirit,

to lead us deeper into this kingdom life and into that fellowship with God we so eagerly desire.

Refresh our souls like the morning dew resting lightly on grasses fit for holy feet.

Amen.

Picture courtesy of bobhostetler.blogspot.com

Evening Prayer

Loving Lord, our God and friend,

we dwell securely, enfolded deep within the fabric of your love,

and in the community of lovers who share your name and know your voice.

Though we fail so often, we yet seek to be that community of love,

hinted at whenever we come by faith into your holy presence.

We come not in haughty or vain spirits but in humility

for we acknowledge that every good and perfect gift is from above,

coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights,

who does not change like shifting shadows.

You chose to give us birth through the word of truth

that we might be a kind of first fruits of all you’ve created.

And so, dear Lord, we bring nothing to you other than our smallness

into the enveloping presence of your powerful grace which changes our lives, making us new;

refreshing us with light and love, forgiveness and wholeness.

We are children, safe in the arms of the God who is to us both Father and Mother,

friend, confidante, grace-giver, sustainer and Saviour.

Walk with us this evening, oh God, as we seek to find you here among us.

Help us to hear your voice speaking, reminding us that, in you, there is a place to call home.

Through Christ Jesus, lover of our soul.

Amen.

Robert Rife, 2002

Leviticus, Lambs and all in All

It is not generally my style to be a theological “shock-jockey” and I have no particular love for sacrificial triumphalism. Nor do I especially value our over indulgence in violent guilt offering atonement theories that merely perpetuate condemnation rather than permeate grace. I am, however, reading through Leviticus and made some profound connections between what the ancient Hebrews might have encountered and what a less ancient Hebrew once encountered to counter the former.

Take it.

Take it all.

Take it all and more, it was never mine to begin with.

All that was my all I sacrifice before the great All.

All that I thought was all I sacrifice before the great All.

My all can never be All unless given up for the all in All.

I flay these guiltless idol-beasts on the bloodstained altar of grace,

where all that is ever All once was.

This blood matches my own, this heart my own;

this pain my own, these eyes and innards my own.

This poor bleating one, shivering and afraid

with eyes askance and yet calm

foreshadows another Lamb

eviscerated for all that I have done-

ensconces all that I will be.

We are one because you have ordained it so.

These cultic rites and offerings weigh heavily upon me;

so labor intensive, so messy, so inconvenient, so…expensive.

Oh, I get it.

…and he said to him, “follow me”: a Litany

This litany grew out of a class I took as part of my master’s program….

 

How good it is whenever we leave all false agendas, desires, plans, schemes, thoughts – selves behind and obediently follow the Master without hesitation.

…and he said to him, “Follow me.”

How good to imagine a world where those without hope are given hope because the community of Jesus follow the leading of their Master and Teacher and bring this hope in all they say and do.

…and he said to him, “Follow me.”

How good, to host the Presence keeping company with sinners, tax collectors, lepers and the outcasts of society.

…and he said to him, “Follow me.”

How good to ever have ears to hear the voice of Jesus calling to us, urging us to follow him wherever he goes participating with him in bringing the new wine of God’s kingdom to light around us.

…and he said to him, “Follow me.”

How good to live before God every moment with godly sorrow for our sin, fully embracing our many and varied brokenness in honesty and authenticity.

…and he said to him, “Follow me.”

How good to celebrate with all whose repentance brings new life and an accompanying deep life change even when such celebration causes raised eyebrows.

…and he said to him, “Follow me.”

How good never to allow ourselves to succumb to religious peer pressure that traps one in the smothering flames of imposed, ungodly parameters of faith life and thereby lessen the gospel message in compliance with it.

…and he said to him, “Follow me.”

How good never to succumb to the same judgmental spirit which produces and perpetuates religious peer pressure. “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.”

…and he said to him, “Follow me.”

How good to taste the old, complexly rich and fragrant wine of our forebears while working in the vineyard alongside our Master Winemaker.

…and he said to him, “Follow me.”

How good, to “stand in the place where you work” looking left and right to find those of ill repute and the despised with whom to drink new wine.

…and he said to him, “Follow me.”

How good to stand in the place where others are, be the voice of Jesus calling to them, saying “follow me” and teach them how to catch others in the net of grace.

…and he said to him, “Follow me.”

How good to be those who hold the redemptive instruments of grace at the bedsides of the broken together with our great Physician.

…and he said to him, “Follow me.”

How good to bring encouragement to all whose “bridegroom” has been taken from them either by sickness, death or malfeasance.

…and he said to him, “Follow me.”

How good…

How good, indeed.

Praise be to the Lord of all lepers, losers, limpers and lovers!

…and he says to us, “Follow me.”