there is a haze of wanton disregard fogging the window to my soul;
a fog of discontent that swirls around my deepest knowing;
an arrogant knowing where, in it’s place, I need unknowing.
relieve me of foolish trust in my ability to live in perfection.
Let loose the hounds of irreducible chaos if by their baying
I learn to shut out the noise of my voice for the Voice.
teach me that, to look directly into the sun, is death.
But, to gaze into your face through grace filtered and raw,
is to see you as you truly are – horrifying in beauty.
it once was said that the One who flung stars into space
fits securely in the tiny confines of the human heart.
Similarly, make me tiny, so that your reach through me is great.
I have convinced myself that you make yourself invisible.
Remind me that I see you every time someone cries in pain
or, at the risk of their own wellness, becomes pain for another.
forgive me for when I boast of my growing knowledge of God,
only to discover that it’s all been a ruse, a play on words,
your playful, cryptic way of introducing me to myself.
shake me loose from the need to place parameters, provisos,
gates on that which only ever bursts them asunder.
Help me to stop trying to find your endings and look for beginnings.
I am at a loss to understand, let alone experience,
such self-forgetful yearning for the good of another
that you would watch yourself disappear into the abyss,
only to return as the One.
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